just received this in an email.
if only life were like this again:

Close your eyes....And go back.... Before the Internet or the MAC…Before semi automatics and crack…Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...Way back.......
I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.

Red light, Green light.

Playing kickball & dodgeball until the street lights came on.

Mother May I? Red Rover. Hula Hoops.

Running through the sprinkler. Happy Meals.

Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons. GUMMY BEARS, Fat Albert, Road Runner,

Smurfs, Picture Pages, G-Force

The kids from the show Saved By The Bell were your idols,

and all the girls were in love with Zack

Wonder Woman & Super Man Underoos. Playing Dukes of Hazard.

Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar.

Christmas morning..you were so happy and now your not that happy lil kid any more

Your first day of school.

Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses.

Climbing trees.

Getting an Ice Cream off the Ice Cream Truck.

A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers.

Jumpin down the steps.

Being tired from playin'....

Your first crush......

Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7Up" in the class room.

Remember that? I'm not finished yet....

Kool-aid was the drink of summer.

Riding your friends on your handle bars.

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.

Class Field Trips.

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.

When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance and another quarter a miracle.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were so cool.

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives,

but it wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.

Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!

And some of us are still afraid of em!!!

Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!

There's nothing like the good old days!

They were good then, and they're good now when we think about them.

Share some of these thoughts with a friend who can relate,

then share it with someone that missed out on them.

I want to go back to the time when............

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo",

mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly.

Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.

Being old, referred to anyone over 20.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

Nobody was prettier than Mom.

Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.

It was no big deal to finally be tall enough to ride,

the "big people" rides at the amusement park.

Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare".

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.

Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!!

why do i even bother with performing good deeds.
on monday evening, my sister (the communist) called me from vancouver island, requesting that i bring the truck over to victoria on wednesday to help collect some of her belongings from her apartment to bring back home.

needless to say, i reluctantly obliged... but as timely as i am, i planned things out beforehand.

here is my itinerary that i had planned:

-leave home at 10am
-make it for the 11am ferry
-reach the island by 1245 and be at her place by 115
-pack her belongings and leave by 2pm
-make it to schwartz bay terminal by 230pm
-get on the 3pm ferry
-be home by 5 at the latest

this is what happened:
-left home at 10am
-made the 11am
woohoo things are flowin fine so on the ferry i visit the little tuckshop they have and buy me a rolling stone magazine i can read on the ferry ride over.
once i finish reading, it's time to get back in my truck and get off the ferry
-reach the island at 1230
could it be??? was i truly 15 minutes early!! wow, these overglorified bus drivers they call the bcferry guys are really gettin the job done!
-so i made it to her place at 1pm

and so the perils began

first off... she wasn't completely packed... but i thought "okay, i'm 15 minutes early anyway, and she doesn't have much stuff"
so 45 minutes go by and there's one bag left to pack into the pickup when my sister comes out with a box and then realizes.... THAT SHE'S LOCKED HERSELF OUT OF THE APARTMENT!!!

fuckin great!

so twenty minutes go by until she finally gets back into the building and gives me the final stuff to take (consisting of a blanket and a couple of pillows)

-so it's 205 and i leave
i know i know, it was only a 5 minute tardyness, not a big deal

-instead of making it to the terminal at 230 i arrive at 235, the bitch at the booth to enter takes my $40.25 with a smile on her face, and with a slight smirk says "ooohhh, you're cutting it close, you might not make the 3" to which i wished i replied "well fuck it then you ho, perhaps you could be a bit faster with producing the change from my $50 rather than scratchin your ass while consuming the 3rd twinkie from your second box, you overgrown sorry excuse for a union member"

-so i end up in lane #41 at 238
-they begin boarding at 245
-the boarding of the ferry starts at lane 37 and works until the end of lane 40
oh great... i missed the fucking ferry
or so i thought!
my lane actually began to move!
they were waving us on!
there must be some room left on the ferry!

while these joyous thoughts were bouncing in my head, lane #41 came to a halt
they had stopped the lane 5 cars in front of me
and they were motioning like an nhl referee "no goal"

FUCKIN SHIT @*($)#(WU*RIF)W(R*)(#&$&%^#*&$*&^#()@*#()*&@()#&*^_@#)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and one of the attendants reaches me, and the nerve of him....
why on earth would he......
what in the holy universe would possess him to say to me "if you came here 5 minutes sooner, you would have made it!"

-so there i am... the fifth vehicle in lane #41, having to wait for the next ferry, which doesn't arrive until 5
-two hours to kill
what to do what to do
schwartz bay isn't exactly scenic, it's alot of cement and water
can't go into the restaurant on the side, cause there's a shitload of goods in the back of the truck that i won't be able to keep an eye on

so i go to the pop machine and purchase a coke and pop back into the truck in the blazing sun and decide to read my rolling stone magazine for a second time
then i decide to cleac out the inside of the truck
then i decide to fix the tarp covering the communist belongings
then i read the rolling stone magazine a third time

-at this time i notice that it's 5pm... but something's missing
and then it hits me
WHERE'S THE BLOODY FERRY!!!!!!!!

right on the verge of screaming at the top of my lungs, the intercom in the terminal states "bcferries 5 pm sailing of THE QUEEN OF BRITISH COLUMBIA has been delayed thirty minutes, we apologize for any inconvenience"

needless to say, i board the ferry at 530
-make it to tsawassen at 7pm
-and i'm at home by 730
2 bloody hours and thirty fuckin minutes late

why does God mock me so?

i need a beer

Whenever i bring up the film "bowling for columbine" amongst my friends... i few of them begin to argue that it is full of lies...

for instance, from what they've heard... you couldn't actually get the gun from the bank...

well, dear old michael moore has heard these rumours as well, and for those of you who still question his tactics, read the following

it's only five minutes of your time

http://michaelmoore.com/words/wackoattacko/

Judge for yourself:

http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/stairway.php

Isn't it weird how the only thing you want to do after getting out of the pouring rain is immediately take a shower?

Have you ever noticed that your parents get angier not when you're wrong, but when you're right and they know it?

Do you have trouble coming to grips with the fact that stale cookies still taste good? Do you have a moral dilemma over the fact that they still taste great, but you know you shouldn't be eating them because they're stale?

Have you ever noticed that all Asians don't actually look the same, but all retards do?

Now, does that mean all retarded asians look the same?

Isn't it ironic how the people who are always arguing over racism are usually racists themselves?

Isn't it silly how when somebody else trips and falls it's funny but when you do it it's just plain and simple embarassing?

Have you ever noticed that the beat to DMX's "Party Up" fits perfectly with the vocals for Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady"? Isn't that crazy?

Isn't it weird how my janitor in grade school used to lecture me on the benefits of education when he was hardly the pinnacle of scholastic achievement?

Have you ever noticed that the Hilton sisters were celebrities without actually doing anything? I'm talking about before that whole sex tape thing.

Isn't it strange how the people who are prolife are also very often advocates of the death penalty? Life or death, bitches, make up your minds.

Isn't it kind of funny how the kids with the worst cases of ADD and ADHD are the same ones whose parents are never home? I wonder if they're related.

Isn't it absurd how if I take a shit on the sidewalk I go to jail but if I take a shit on the sidewalk and put it in a museum I get acclaimed as a genius artist?

Have you ever noticed that it always rains the day after you get your car washed?

Isn't it weird how the students who speak Spanish fluently in their homes are always the ones who do worst in Spanish class?

Do you ever find that after sleeping too much the only thing you want to do is take a nap?

Yep. Me too.

So I found out how the sperm whale got it's name....

apparently back in the day, when scandanavian whalers would harpoon these gigantic beasts of the sea, the harpoon would occasionally hit the head of the whale, releasing a white-gooey substance.

naturally, these fools began to believe that this is where the whale keeps his sperm (in his head!) and hence gave it that name. yet in fact, the gooey substance is something other than semen... it actually helps the whale with it's sonar.

yeah... these dudes use sonar! so it helps emit a low frequency from the head of the whale that stuns it's prey so the whale can attack it. and it is most frequently used in the first ten years of the whales life, because during that time the poor bastard still has to grow his teeth

so there ya have it...
kudos to Dawn from florida for that.

Have you ever stopped what you're doing and asked yourself... "how did the sperm whale get it's name?"