The speech

I was told that i had to do a speech for my sister's wedding.

Here it is:

Parminder has always looked for the ideal man. Someone intelligent, charming, with good looks and a sense of humor. But enough about me. Instead she found Raj.

As for Raj, there isn’t much I can really say about the guy from the times I’ve hung out with him, aside from the fact that he likes pizza, enjoys watching the Transformers cartoons, and that he can fix my back. But I plan on getting to know him in this upcoming future he has with this family. So in the meantime let’s focus on what I do know, shall we…. My wonderful sister Pinday.

On January 20th, 1978, my parents welcomed Parminder into this world. Their third child and the apple of my father’s eye. On January 20th, 1980, while celebrating her second birthday, Parm’s party was cut short as our mom was rushed to the hospital to give birth to me, a wonderful, lovable, huggable, great looking baby brother. She has never forgiven me since.

In the 26 years that we’ve known each other, and all the birthday cakes we have shared, any normal person would believe that the sibling rivalry between her and I is quite intense. Both competing for our parents attention, so much so, that legend has it that Pinday would sneak into the bedroom when I was a baby, and steal my bottle from within my weak grasps, and have it for herself. She apparently also pushed me down a flight of stairs when I was three.

While growing up, Parminder has held more nicknames than the average person; Pinday, Parm, PJ, Mindy, Peeso, Peesinee, and my personal favourite, The Communist. The last one was created by your’s truly.

Now the reason for the title of “The Communist” is meant to be humorous, but there is some truth behind it. Namely the fact that she has always looked upon everyone in the world as equals, and has fought desperately for the rights of those who had trouble fending for themselves. Holding nothing back, she has always strived to succeed for true justice in all matters. Hence the fact that even when we were in elementary school, she always aspired to become a lawyer.

When graduating from high school as the president of the Multicultural Club, Pinday received a jawdropping large scholarship to help her through university. Becoming a lawyer was always in the back of her mind, but her first focus was getting into social work, again to redeem her communist ways and help those who could not help themselves.

On October 25th, 1999, our father passed away. True, it was a sad time in all our lives, but it also made mom and the four of us kids much stronger. We all grew closer in that time, and matured a great deal. Truthfully though, I believe that was when Pinday really decided to take up her lifelong dream and go ahead with the challenge of law school and become what she truly wanted to be. The dedication she had during those days spent in Victoria or way over in Toronto was a strength in her that I still look up to.

So today, we are all here to celebrate this joyous occasion. The marriage Raj and Pinday. But I am also here to thank her, and my other sisters, Geetay and Neenay, and of course mom, for raising me, and helping me become the person I am today.

Oh…. You guys thought I was finished didn’t you? HAHA… little do you know.

Let us change the focus now to Raj:

Welcome to the family, it’s not everyday that we see a new member to the clan. Let me remind you however, that you have joined this family through choice. Under your own will, you were not forced under any circumstances.

With you now being new to the family, I have taken it upon myself to help with a few pointers on surviving life with Pinday:

1- Just smile and nod

2- You are now married. No refunds or exchange, all transactions are final!

3- If you are ever sued for malpractice, you have a wife who will save your ass

4- If she gives you a project to do with a deadline, do not procrastinate

5- To calm her nerves, play some of the greasiest early 90’s Punjabi music you can find. Anything by the saffri boys or heera will do. Even new kids on the block or bryan adams for that matter.

6- Buy her a dog

7- If you are watching hockey, you cheer for the canucks

8- If you can drive standard well, she’ll claim that she’s the one who taught you

9- Apparently she can kick anybody’s ass in kickboxing… as long as you don’t move.

10- When you find that you need some alone time for yourself and she hangs around the room to annoy you, follow these steps:

a. Stick out index finger
b. Lick the end of your finger
c. Try to touch her with it.

This also works if your have something that she wants, such as the remote control to the t.v. it just all depends on which household objects you are willing to lick.

Anyways, I believe I’ve spent long enough up here on stage so I will return to my natural resting place, the bar.

But I leave you, Raj, with the same words I said to my other brother-in-laws, Harry and Roopie, on their wedding days: “You hurt her, and I’ll kill you”

And to Pinday, we love you with all our hearts, and just like you’ve been there for us for all these years, we will kindly return the favour whenever you need it.

apparently they liked it.