Went to go see "Supersize Me" with a few friends last sunday at the Colossus theatre in Langley. Decided to grab me a Dr. Pepper before the movie.

As the cup was filling up with my pop (yanks call it "soda"), the girl at the concession decided to make a little small talk with me.

"so how is your evening?"
"not bad"
"what film are you watching tonight?"
"supersize me"
"oh, i haven't seen it yet... is it good?"

HOW THE FUCK DO I KNOW??? why do you think i'm watching it you inbred country hick?

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My coworker Merl told me this joke this morning, I haven't laughed this hard in ages:

A real estate agent goes to appraise a farm that a lonely rancher had owned for the last 40 years. After expecting the many acres the agent heads towards the barn where the rancher is and notices a massive hornets nest in the old maple tree next to the house.

"well" said the agent "i'm afraid i can't appraise the house for much if it still has that hornets nest, you'll have to do something about it before i even decide to set a price."

"tell you what," bargained the rancher "i've lived on this here farm for all of my life and that nest has been there as far back as i can remember. why, i bet that i could strip you naked and tie you to that maple tree for a whole day and you would never get stung."

"and if i do?" asked the agent

"well, then i'll give you the deed to the farm for free, no questions asked!"

not being one to but down a deal like that, the agent agreed to the deal. the next day he came to the farm bright and early, stripped down to his birthday suit and the farmer tied him to the maple tree. when the final knot was in place, the lonely rancher let the agent be, while he headed on into town.

just before sundown the rancher returned to the farm and noticed the agent still tied to the tree, but keeled over.

"oh darn" he thought "the agent's been stung"

he quickly rushed over to the real estate agent and untied him. extremely exhausted, the agent fell into the rancher's arms.

"oh my God" screamed the rancher "have you been stung?"

"no" said the agent "the hornet's were fine..... but doesn't that calf have a mother?"