THE THREE RULES

Hello valued readers....

I know it's been quite some time since I last wrote a good blog, but I've been a busy busy man.

Yet today marks the beginning of a wee little vacation for me, with a little trip to Whistler to boot.

Many things have happened in the past little while, the busiest days at Fort Langley have come and gone (thank the lord) and I have been fairly exhausted. Gone to birthday parties here and there as well.

Heck, I even purchased a new vehicle back in May, after Rex (good ol' buddy) died on me while I was clocking 110 on the freeway, surely, one of the most scariest moments in my life. Never did I know the true importance of an emergency brake until then.

And July 24th marked the 1 year anniversary of being with my sunshine, Heather. Which was quite a shock when I first thought about it. 'Cause what girl in her right mind would want to spend a year with me?

But it got me thinking, reminiscing actually, about my days as a late teenager, where myself and a few friends came up with THE THREE RULES.

During our time in highschool, none of us really had a girlfriend, and as usual, we blamed the ladies for not going out with us, because, sincerely, we were flawless! HA! of course, the flaws had to be with the ladies, and we were just too picky when it came to girlfriends. However, when the time did come to it, we came up with a list of three crucial criteria that the lady-friends had to meet for them to be deemed girlfriend material.

Here are the three rules, and their reasons follow:

1) WOULD YOU HOLD HER HAND IN PUBLIC?: This, my friends, is serious shit. It doesn't just deem on the looks of the girl, it deems on your self esteem! You better be confident that this is the girl you're going out with and the rest of the world should know it. If you can't hold her hand, you probably have serious doubts about your relationship. But you better think first, even sleep on it, before you make the crucial decision.

Looks shouldn't matter when you hold a girl's hand, 'cause what if your girlfriend was a hotty like Julia Roberts, and one day she was attacked in the face by a rabid chipmunk while you strolled through Stanley Park? Leaving her face full of scars, resulting in a loss of movie contracts cause no audience wants to see a freak on the big screen... you better suck in that gutt and still hold her hand! 'cause it's still Julia Roberts.... and she must have millions in her bank account.

Okay, so bad example.

What I mean to say is, you better feel confident and comfortable around her, cause if you can't hold her hand, it means you have doubts.

2) CAN SHE PULL OF THE BASEBALL CAP LOOK?: What this means my friends, is the fact that if she feels comfortable around you. The baseball cap look simply means that she won't take a million hours to get ready every time you go out. She could simply throw on a cap or a hoody and come on out with ya.

A girl that takes and extra hour to get ready, even though you show up at her house on time, is nearing the fashion level of "hoochie." She ain't getting ready for you bro, she's gettin ready for the fashion show downtown as she takes you window shopping with her.

This doesn't mean that she should pull of the baseball cap look everytime, there are times and places for these things.

For example; if you just take her to Silvercity for a movie and then a small bite to eat at Boston Pizza, she can do the baseball cap look. But if you take her to Joey Tomato's and a play downtown, you better be prepared to wait as she get's ready. Heck, you better dress up nice yourself. Don't you dare wear jeans and flip flops to that event. Only black dudes at clubs can get away with that.

3) WHEN YOU PICK HER UP AND WALK HER TO YOUR CAR, OPEN THE DOOR FOR HER AND LET HER BE SEATED. THEN WALK AROUND THE BACK OF YOUR CAR AND SEE IF SHE LEANS OVER TO UNLOCK YOUR DOOR: This, hands down, is the most crucial rule of them all. I credit the movie "A Bronx Tale" with coming up with this rule because it is so true.

If that girl doesn't even attempt to unlock your side, consider her a hoochie-bitch. An act like that determines if this girl you are going out with is either a slut who's full of herself and wants you to serve her hand and foot, or if she's willing to look out and care for you as well. If you have a car with keyless entry, I suggest borrowing a car that doesn't and seeing if this rule hold's up. Who knows, even if it is keyless, she may still unlock your side out of natural instinct and habit, and then you know for sure that she's a keeper.

Follow these three rules and you shall have nothing to fear.

Now I know that the female readers here may complain, but hey, we guys know you broads have rules for us as well, so save the bullshit.

And now, looking back at it, these rules that we came up with a mere 6 years ago do hold true, because my girlfriend has passed all of them. And I'm sure I've passed her's.