how come?

went to the shopping mall to pick up a prescription for my mom

thought i'd go to HMV to see if they had any dvds on sale

and it hit me

HOW COME "THE WONDER YEARS" isn't available on dvd yet?

the occupant

this morning i woke up around 9 and stumbled my way down the stairs to the kitchen to make me something edible for my empty stomach

with the peanut butter jar on the counter and a butterknife in my hand, i anxiously awaited for the toaster to pop and took a glance through the kitchen blinds at the school field behind my sister's house

yet closer to the window i saw something move, at first i thought it may be a neighbour's cat, but this dude was pretty big, so i lifted the blinds and the noise drew the attention of the backyard intruder

making him stand upright and look at me

2 things came to mind:

1- this cat can stand up!
2- this is not a cat!

choosing the latter, i quickly closed the blinds to subconciously tell myself that this didn't just happen

but like picking at a scab, i had to peek through the blinds again, to watch this guy walk across the patio

it was a raccoon

he then crawled his way under the patio to dwell, probably next to the hot tub

i then put on shoes and walked out onto the patio (butterknife still in hand) and started to jump up and down in hopes to drive this critter out

2 more things came to mind:
1- this wood is pretty old and i could fall through
2- will a butterknife really protect me

just then the toast popped up

i freaked out
so did the raccoon

i ran in the house
he ran across the yard and towards the school

so went my morning

Free at last

quite the hectic past week, but i have officially moved from the old house and am now splitting my residence between the houses of my sisters

a "drifter" if you will

i write this from the basement dungeon of ranbir's house, which also has a surprising occupant under the porch/hottub (we'll get to that later)

special thanks go out to ken, shaun and vince for showing up and helping move the crap that infested the old building for 5 years

also greatful to my girlfriend heather, who single-handedly disposed of half of my wardrobe

thankfully though, most of the stuff is now in boxes and me mum and i are going to sit back and wait to find another house

possibly build one

but moving sucks

FREE BEER....

if you help me move on saturday

be there by 9 AM, and the evening's beer and pizza is on me!

call me and lemme know if you're in

i only have the moving truck from 930 to 330 that day, gotta make it quick

Going out with my girlfriend to a bbq with her church group...

Me: "They're not gonna try to convert me are they?"

Heather: "No. We only do that on Sundays."

BY JOVE!!

the other day, oprah had two guests who fell in love while being victims of "extreme makeover."
now they are looking decent and married to boot. to top things off, the mrs. is expecting a kid.

that's gonna be one ugly hooch!

now what happens when this kid grows up and wonders why mom and dad look so hot but their offspring had a condor nose with no chin and broken chinaware for teeth??

sure there is a glimmer of hope (ie, angelina jolie, who has two bugly parents), but it's not always that two wrongs make a right

now keep in mind, had the two remained ugly, would they have married each other? (cause you know jolie's parents just did so for the money; he's an ugly movie star and what better way to publicize his image than by marrying the creature from the black lagoon) I HIGHLY DOUBT IT!!!

the dude would have tested his luck and gone out in the world to find a hot blind chick, or gone travelling throughout the world to find an indigenous tribe that finds no-chin people as royalty and highly attractive. hence therefore crowning him KING of the no-chin worshippers.

but no, ABC just had to step in and ruin what "could have been"

if you had a gun with only three bullets...

i would shoot geddy lee of rush

and pauly shore

and then i'd shoot pauly shore again to make sure he was dead.

shawn desman... what you did man?

who in their right minds gave this monkey a recording contract???

what the hell is up with his hair??

first off, let me say i wasn't impressed when he first came onto the music scene a year ago and claimed to be canada's music saviour

this clown's ass has tried to market more images than an mtv movie

first it was his "trademark pose"
nice try hotshot, who'd you get that from?
reminds me of when my dad would get drunk and jump on the dance floor at wedding receptions
little did i know that he was 5 years ahead of his time

and now the hairdo
did he lose some drunk univer..... community colle.... work and learn bet and had a mohawk shaved in his head??? THAT ISN'T EVEN STRAIGHT??!!!
and then he comes out and says it's his new style called "the sidewalk"
no kiddin buddy, you'll be living there in a few years anyways, save yourself some money so you can afford a big box

but finally, the link to his latest video is just below:
http://www.vikrecordings.com/shawndesman

and click on the "let's go" video

i'm not asking you to watch the whole damn thing, just forward to the 2:40 mark, and try to figure out just what the hell is going on

to me, it looks like the most cheapass attempt at dance-dance revolution that i've ever seen.

dumb monkey!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It didn't.

I ran over it on my way to work. well, not really "ran over", more like "hit"
quite odd really, i was driving down 168th st between 88th and 96th avenues in the morning drizzle when this white, pillow-like object came hurtling out of the ditch

next thing you know, an explosion of feathers, and a possible "ba-kaaaaaaaaawk" (couldn't really hear it, my radio was blasting, but i imagine it was something like that)

i quickly pulled into the closest parking lot (tynehead community hall i believe), jumped out of my car and when to assess the damage on the front of Hank (my pathfinder)

nuthin but a few feathers

in the midst of my shock, a fellow motorist pulled up behind me, got out of his car and said "dude!"

staring him up and down, the similarities between him and the comic book guy from the simpsons were endless

nonetheless he said "dude! you hit a chicken! that's unfuckinbelievable!"

no shit sherlock

needless to say, i dare not venture home in the same path again, for the poultry ghost may haunt me